Decide to act

I've spent the last couple of days at a first aid course (which I recommend by the way, everyone should know that stuff) and one of the things they emphasised was that the first thing that needs to happen in any emergency situation is for someone to recognise an emergency exists and then decide to act.

We talked a lot about this in psychology courses at university too - it's frighteningly common for someone to be in trouble and for all the people who could have helped to do nothing. We talk about 'safety in numbers' but the reality is exactly the opposite - the more bystanders there are, the less likely anyone is to do anything. After all, "someone else probably already has"...

Side note: If you're ever in a situation where you need help and everyone is standing around staring blankly, single someone out of the crowd: "You, in the blue jacket, go call an ambulance." Once they're singled out they're usually happy to help.

People also seem to have an incredible hang-up about 'interfering', especially if we have some impression that the problem is within someone else's family. The family violence issue we're talking a lot about in New Zealand at the moment is a good example of this.

But I'm not planning on writing a post about first aid or group behaviour, as interesting as they are. I've been thinking that the same type of behaviour seems to appear in other situations too - including at work. Sometimes it's all too easy to identify a problem, think to yourself "someone should do something about that" and then go get a coffee. It's easy to assume that, since the first requirement for a management position is mind-reading abilities, all managers will know immediately if something isn't happening as it should.

But maybe, just maybe, you are the someone who should do something. And maybe, just maybe, your manager can't read your mind and, because no-one else has talked to them either, doesn't know there's a problem. Is it possible?

Many people are, quite rightly, concerned about becoming the person who always whines about everything. Be assured that I'm not advocating that at all! People who complain about every little thing that it's possible to complain about drive me just as mad as I'm sure they drive you. Please don't do that :) What I am suggesting though is that, sometimes, there are genuine issues which need to be sorted out so that everyone can move forward and get the job done faster/better/more happily and those issues shouldn't be left for the magical 'someone' who will fix everything. You're someone aren't you? Why don't you do it?

Call me an idealist if you will, but here's how I see things: if you have a manager whose job description includes anything along the lines of 'team leadership' or 'ensuring efficiency and well-being of staff' then that person's job is to make your life easier. If you let them know what, in your work life, needs to made easier then you're helping them do their job. How nice of you :)

Again, don't bug them too much! Your manager is just as human as you are, which means they can get just as busy and stressed as you can. Don't just roll up to their desk and start your lecture - ask if you can make a time for a chat. Then you can grab a meeting room, close the door, and lecture to your heart's content for the half an hour they've set aside. It's not that difficult, and doesn't take much time, to respectfully and clearly state your concerns and finish with "I just thought you should be aware. Let me know there's anything you'd like me to do."

If you're still wondering whether to act or not, consider this: if you're having issues with something chances are that someone else is too. They're just assuming that someone else has already said something, that their manager has read their mind and that they shouldn't interfere. Do that person a favour and go sort things out for them.

Final note: remember that the step before 'decide to act' is to 'identify an emergency exists'. Make sure the issue you're having really is an issue and really is something that can be changed. Sometimes you just need to grit your teeth and get on with things, that's just life. If you're not sure which category your issue fits into, go talk to someone anyway and ask them whether they think it's worth doing something about.

Old cliched quote which is still true and rather appropriate:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage
to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Fish! Make Their Day

Ok, last post on the Fish! book - sorry it's been so long in coming... very busy week.

(see my previous post on the Fish! book if you don't know what I'm taking about)

The last point to note about the fish market was the way everything they did created special individual memories for people. The fishmongers made opportunities for people come up on the stand and try to catch a fish, or for children to visit the cold store or they simply took time to pay attention to someone and find out what was important to them. With each customer who came by they tried to Make Their Day.

Making someone's day can be one of a number of things:

1. Including them in the fun things you do to play at work
2. Creating memories
3. Going that little bit extra beyond what they expect
4. Identifying and meeting an individual need

This doesn't have to be something major, although of course it can be. Little things, like noticing when someone is not looking as cheerful as usual and taking the time / making the effort to find out what's wrong and maybe do something about it, can make a big impact. Also things like buying someone chocolate 'just because' or encouraging/congratulating someone. With clients, showing you have/want a really good understanding of their business and a real desire to make things work for them or getting changes that really matter to them out quicker than they expect or making sure their little preferences are specially catered for in your design. These are obviously just ideas off the top of my head (mostly based on things others have done for me!), feel free to be more creative.

Making their day has an obvious advantage - people like it when you do. Customers will want to come back, colleagues will want to work with you again; colleagues may even decide to do the same for you in return. But there is a hidden advantage as well - making someone else's day tends to make yours. So many times, on a not-so-good day of mine, someone else has needed help and I've pulled myself back together to give it, only to find that I suddenly felt much better too.

So, focus on Making Their Day when you can, especially for clients, and, if you're feeling down, go find someone who's day needs to be made and make it. :)

Fish! Being Present

(see my previous post on the Fish! book if you don't know what I'm taking about)

Our fictional manager noticed something rather special about the fish market: even though there's tremendous amounts of noise the fishmongers always seem to hear her replies to their questions, they're always waiting for those replies, never distracted by other goings-on and even when they don't have a customer right then they're scanning the crowd, focused, looking for the next opportunity. They are completely present.

Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone who is obviously thinking about something else? How did you feel? Like they didn't care two hoots about what you were saying? Like you weren't important to them? Like you didn't want to talk to them anymore? Have you ever carried on a conversation with someone when you were thinking about something else? Do you think they felt like that? Do you want your clients to feel like that?

Being 'present' is, I think, pretty crucial to any kind of relationship whether it's with a client, co-worker, friend or family member. All of those people need to feel that you're genuinely interested in them and that they matter to you. It's primarily about listening well but also about setting your priorities carefully, making this person your priority and not letting anything else interfere. When you're fully present it draws people in; they want to talk to you. Clients, especially, need to be sure that when they're paying for your time they have your complete attention.

Before I go any further, I'm very aware that I'm shockingly bad at this. Every now and then I get it right but as a general rule I'm chronically distractable, so this post is aimed very much at myself. If it happens to apply to you as well then that's all good :)

Signs you're not fully 'present':

• Eavesdropping on other nearby conversations
• Looking at something else that's going on
• Needing to ask a person to repeat what they said
• Doing something else while talking to someone

Multi-tasking is a useful skill, just try to avoid applying it when one of the tasks is talking to someone. Before you all lynch me - there are some obvious exceptions to this e.g. fixing a problem while someone talks you through it, looking up a relevant piece of information for someone etc. The important thing is that it must be clear that the person you are talking to is your priority. Don't feel that you need to instantly drop everything for people either, it's often not the best plan. If someone comes to your desk and asks you for help it may be better to ask them to wait two minutes while you (finish/save/comment to come back to) what you were doing so you can turn away from your screen and give them your complete attention without needing to hold the previous task in your mind. Most people will really appreciate that as they'll be able to see you making an effort to clear the way for them to be your focus. Some of the guys at work do this consistently and I really appreciate it every time.

Also on the evils of multi-tasking... When talking on the phone it's very easy to fall into the trap of 'I'll just quickly check this email during this call, it'll save me time". Just because the person on the other end of the line can't physically see you doesn't mean your shift in focus will go unnoticed. Phone calls should really command even more of our attention than face-to-face meetings as we lack, and need to infer, all the non-verbal clues as to what's really being said.

When you give your full attention to someone without allowing distractions you will understand more, be more able to ask sensible clarifying questions and appear more interested/personable/intelligent/you-name-it. You may also be suprised how much extra information people will give you when you make them your priority.

Fish! Choose your attitude

(see my previous post on the Fish! book if you don't know what I'm taking about)

The major point throughout the book is that you can Choose Your Attitude. Basically, circumstances are beyond your control but you can choose how you react to them. Specifically, the work you do may be out of your control but you can choose whether or not to enjoy it.

This principle is certainly nothing new (my mother's been saying that to me for years!) but it's hard, so we tend to forget, and it's always good to be reminded. This particular reminder struck home on on a couple of levels.

Firstly, as a general rule I love my work so the need to decide to have a good day isn't so pressing. However, I've noticed that we all have a tendency to decide how good our day is based on what technology we happen to be working with. Even our 'energetically enthusiastic' director is guilty of this: I remember one of the first times he talked to me I admitted I was having a bad day, following which he glanced at my monitor and replied "No wonder you're having a bad day! You're working with Reporting Services!". What kind of day I have should not be affected by technology but on how I approach said technology...

Incidentally, I spend a lot of time with Reporting Services and while it does frustrate me at times I feel reporting is an important way for clients to get the information they need to make decisions and I enjoy making that easy :)

Part of choosing your attitude is choosing never to behave like a victim. Work-wise: we are not victims of specific technologies or clients or managers or team members. We are people with the ability to choose our own attitudes independently of all those things. I think most of us need to be reminded of that one! Our attitudes don't need to mirror others; if someone else is becoming uptight or aggressive there's no need to respond in kind. I remember one of our project managers being nominated for an award a few weeks ago for exactly that: responding perfectly calmly and defusing a client manager who was getting aggressive.

Choose Your Attitude also meant a lot to me on a personal level. In fact, the book came close to making me cry! You see, last year was a rough year for me personally and I became rather expert in being a victim and letting circumstances dictate how I was going to feel. I know many people told me I needed to choose to move on but I always replied "I can't do that! I haven't got closure!". It's so much easier to wallow in self-pity (you get sympathy that way) than trying to step out and find new ways of coping. It's only in the last couple of months that I've finally begun to leave things behind, mostly by a conscious decision not to care any more.

I know that Choose Your Attitude is a really easy phrase to say, but it's a much harder one to put into practice! I'm still figuring this out myself... but here are a few thoughts:

1. Choosing Your Attitude takes courage. It requires stepping out of your comfort zone, not looking for sympathy or the easy way out.
   
2. Because you need courage, you need to convince yourself it's worth it. Keep in mind what you have to gain (generally, enjoying life more!) and use that to motivate yourself.
3. I've found self-talk to be an effective tool. Literally talking to yourself and telling yourself what you're going to do. "I can choose my attitude and today I choose to be positive." It can be good to have a key phrase that reminds you of what's important to you. Make it your Windows password so you have to type it in multiple times a day!
   
4. Don't be surprised if change takes time. You'll probably need to re-Choose Your Attitude multiple times each day. Hang in there.
5. Little practical things can often help improve your mood. For me, wearing a new shirt tends to keep me smiling all day :) Also going for a walk, or grabbing my favourite drink/sweet or listening to particular music. Recognise when you need to take a break for a 'pick me up' and go do it.
   

I'll leave things there for the moment. Choose to have a great day today :)