Fish! Being Present

(see my previous post on the Fish! book if you don't know what I'm taking about)

Our fictional manager noticed something rather special about the fish market: even though there's tremendous amounts of noise the fishmongers always seem to hear her replies to their questions, they're always waiting for those replies, never distracted by other goings-on and even when they don't have a customer right then they're scanning the crowd, focused, looking for the next opportunity. They are completely present.

Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone who is obviously thinking about something else? How did you feel? Like they didn't care two hoots about what you were saying? Like you weren't important to them? Like you didn't want to talk to them anymore? Have you ever carried on a conversation with someone when you were thinking about something else? Do you think they felt like that? Do you want your clients to feel like that?

Being 'present' is, I think, pretty crucial to any kind of relationship whether it's with a client, co-worker, friend or family member. All of those people need to feel that you're genuinely interested in them and that they matter to you. It's primarily about listening well but also about setting your priorities carefully, making this person your priority and not letting anything else interfere. When you're fully present it draws people in; they want to talk to you. Clients, especially, need to be sure that when they're paying for your time they have your complete attention.

Before I go any further, I'm very aware that I'm shockingly bad at this. Every now and then I get it right but as a general rule I'm chronically distractable, so this post is aimed very much at myself. If it happens to apply to you as well then that's all good :)

Signs you're not fully 'present':

• Eavesdropping on other nearby conversations
• Looking at something else that's going on
• Needing to ask a person to repeat what they said
• Doing something else while talking to someone

Multi-tasking is a useful skill, just try to avoid applying it when one of the tasks is talking to someone. Before you all lynch me - there are some obvious exceptions to this e.g. fixing a problem while someone talks you through it, looking up a relevant piece of information for someone etc. The important thing is that it must be clear that the person you are talking to is your priority. Don't feel that you need to instantly drop everything for people either, it's often not the best plan. If someone comes to your desk and asks you for help it may be better to ask them to wait two minutes while you (finish/save/comment to come back to) what you were doing so you can turn away from your screen and give them your complete attention without needing to hold the previous task in your mind. Most people will really appreciate that as they'll be able to see you making an effort to clear the way for them to be your focus. Some of the guys at work do this consistently and I really appreciate it every time.

Also on the evils of multi-tasking... When talking on the phone it's very easy to fall into the trap of 'I'll just quickly check this email during this call, it'll save me time". Just because the person on the other end of the line can't physically see you doesn't mean your shift in focus will go unnoticed. Phone calls should really command even more of our attention than face-to-face meetings as we lack, and need to infer, all the non-verbal clues as to what's really being said.

When you give your full attention to someone without allowing distractions you will understand more, be more able to ask sensible clarifying questions and appear more interested/personable/intelligent/you-name-it. You may also be suprised how much extra information people will give you when you make them your priority.